As I was looking for images for the word uncertainty, some images showed blue skies, and others showed doom and gloom. I thought this was interesting. The way I see it, our relationship with uncertainty depends upon our perspective and where our sense of security comes from.
As humans, we have a need for safety, security and stability (certainty), and a need for excitement, adventure and growth (uncertainty). However, some people have a negative relationship with uncertainty as they associate unknown territory with fear and anxiety. Others view it more positively as an opportunity for new experiences, adventure and growth.
In reality, the future is completely unknown. There are no guarantees and no certain outcomes. Things we think of as safe and stable and secure may not be. If we base our security on things outside of ourselves such as relationships, employment or money, we’ll always be on shaky ground and feel insecure within ourselves. You could lose your job through no fault of your own. You can lose money through unexpected events. Your relationship could disintegrate due to unforeseen circumstances.
At the end of 2019, my life underwent a significant change that threw me into a crisis. My marriage ended, and 3 weeks after my husband moved out, I was presented with a disestablishment proposal from work. I felt like the rug had been pulled out from underneath me – my fears came flooding to the surface and I had to draw on every ounce of my strength and courage to face life and find a way to move forward. It felt like I was being presented with a blank canvas to re-evaluate every part of my life and decide how I wanted to live from this point on. This was a scary time for me. I didn’t know what my new life would look like. For the first time in 30 years I was completely on my own. I was angry about having to set up my business all over again, and confused about why I was losing my job in the first place – I’d worked hard and was very good at my role. So I had to do a lot of soul searching to find a way to move forward.
Over the next few months I spent a lot of time on my own, cleaning out my house, painting rooms and furniture, and creating a cleaner, tidier, and more peaceful environment to live in. During this time I also cleared out a lot of junk from my mind through studying CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) and Mindfulness. One of the topics that pricked my ears up was a lecture about one’s relationship with uncertainty.
I realised that I was viewing the uncertainty of my life with fear, and when I unravelled my fears I realised that they were just based on unhelpful thoughts and limited beliefs I could start to let them go and make plans to move forwards. I spent time re-evaluating the big life questions of ‘Who am I and why am I here?’ and also the magic question, ‘What do I want?’ During this time of soul-searching and self-healing I began to feel more relaxed and at peace within myself, and also observed a sense of deep inner security, a feeling and conviction that no matter what happens outside of me, I’ll be OK and I am OK. I know that I’m here for a purpose, and that my job is to fulfil that purpose. And even if I don’t know exactly what that looks like just yet, if I follow my intuition and inner guidance, doing what seems like the right thing to do every day, then I’m heading in the direction I’m meant to be going in.
The whole COVID19 crisis has created a lot of uncertainty about the future for a lot of people, and I notice that most people seem to think that uncertainty and fear are synonymous. I also notice that everyone’s fears are different. What one person is afraid of, others may have no qualms about, so we’re all different.
To make peace with uncertainty, I believe it’s important to develop a strong sense of inner security, to ‘know thyself’ and follow your own inner compass.
Inner security goes hand in hand with faith. I believe that faith is the antidote to fear. Faith is about trusting and believing in yourself and your abilities, being creative and adapting to change, and listening to and following your intuition or inner guidance. Faith creates a sense of knowing that things will work out perfectly if you follow your inner guidance one day at a time. You may not have a clear picture of your future, but you’re able to remain present and take practical steps forward every day.
When you have a strong sense of inner security, the world around you can change and you can observe it with curiosity rather than fear. Life can be viewed as an adventure not something to be afraid of.
Inner security can be developed through facing up to and accepting all the things you could lose – all the ‘what if’s’. It’s also about knowing who you are at your very core. Unfortunately many people would prefer to run away or escape from their feelings – finding distractions or drinking too much because they can’t handle facing what they’re being presented with. Avoidance and escapism are strategies I know well, as I’ve lived most of my life this way!
I help my clients to develop inner security through gaining access to the superconscious or ‘enlightened’ mind under hypnosis, where your true Self resides. Wisdom and insight from your Self can give you the answers you require to navigate your life in the best possible way. Hypnotherapy is a very gentle and safe way to explore your fears and insecurities, tap into your intuition, and build your sense of Self. It may seem like a scary thing to do, but it’s worth it.